I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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