Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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