you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
