I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
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I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
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We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My life is pants optional.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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