I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
