You can't special order awesome
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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