i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
