i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
