i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
