i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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