No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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