dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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