Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
