Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
