I think i peed on brittanys purse
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
