On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
