I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
