We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
