Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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