It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
