Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
