you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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