this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Randomize
