Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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