Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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