OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
