as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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