TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
