Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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