So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
farters have to be the big spoon...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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