operation harelip BJ is a go
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
