is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
