what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just gargled with NyQuil
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize