Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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