I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
