you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
