i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
