Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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