So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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