I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
