Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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