My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
