Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
