Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
