in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
