its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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