there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
