I want to make a zoo with you.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
