What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
