I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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