ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
