in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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