I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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