hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
