So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
