The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
