Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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