nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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