Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
