Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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