I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
