Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
