She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Randomize
