my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I am available for nakedness
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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