so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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