i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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