I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
