A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
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No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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