Do you still have your period?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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