he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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