Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
