Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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