Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
