The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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